i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
