I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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