she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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