i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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