I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
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