I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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