I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
