I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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