you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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