I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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