did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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