soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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