I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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