Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
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