what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
He kissed a someone with a penis
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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