Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
