you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
