I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
