I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
