i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I can text with my tongue
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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