We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
