Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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