do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
