My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
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