dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize