Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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