am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
