did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
