I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
