a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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