All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
