I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
