If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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