So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
