I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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