I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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