is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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