hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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