I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
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