The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize