So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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