So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Who died my cat blue again?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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