It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
PANTIES FOUND
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