did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
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