Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
