He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize