McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
