Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
PANTIES FOUND
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