I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
