ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
