Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
