I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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