I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
