I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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