I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
