I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize
