this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
