you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
