I want you more than these girls want KFC
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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