I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
