I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
