Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I checked into jail on foursquare
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Of course I have a pirate flag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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