I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
