i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
