i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
