i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Randomize
