I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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