I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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