Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I looked at my own cervix.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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