I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
