I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I just want to make out with him forever
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
