I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
